Spotlight: The Pride.

All week, you’ve heard about how you’re now apart of something.

Well- there’s no turning back- because you are.

You’re a part of something bigger than you could imagine.

Bigger than self. Even bigger than Bill Nevin’s voice: “www", "Chriiiiiiistopher Nichter", & "And now, from the College of Creative Arts..” 

You’re a part of something that can really get your blood pumping. Even if it is at the tempo of 220 beats per minute, or faster, depending on how the drumline is feeling that day..

You get to now wear the uniform that stands for Mountaineer Pride. That thing will be hot when it’s hot, cold when it’s cold, and wet when it’s wet- but it means Pride. 

You get to have more field time than some of the football players. Soak in every second you get on that field. Embrace every turf turd that falls into your shoes and makes its home there; every time you get to march on the WV; every time you get to watch the Mountaineer shoot his musket right in front of you; every time the football team runs by and get's pumped because of this Band.
You get to travel, and make some of the fondest memories that you’ll ever have. You won’t have any fun on the buses, though. Nope. No fun at all. Staff sees to that. But, the miles you’ll put on. The fans that WILL break rank- no matter How many times a tub,a trombone, or scared little twirler says they can’t, the crazies that run onto a Marshall field and turn the game around, the rain, so much rain, and the respect from the unexpected- the other teams fans. They will see our Pride. They recognize it. And they know that we have more of it than them.
You’re a part of something that only so few get to experience. You’ve got the upper hand. You get to stand on the inside of the circles, and watch outwardly. You get to see the crowd rise and cheer when you slip into the state formation. You get to march with a famous Drumline. Meet them. They're great people. Crazier. But great.
The family you’ll have while you’re here, and when you leave. It’s probably going to be about ten times the size of the one you have right now. Take that from a socializing Pro. Your best friends WILL come out of this band. You think that you’re weird, or unique. There’s at least one more of someone so much like you in this room. Find them by the end of your four years with this band. I dare you. You will, and you might end up being a part of their life for the rest of yours. If you can sort through the faces, that is. You’ll see a new one everyday.
The feeling of performance. Trust me, you’re going to have to pee- that very first time you sprint onto that field, avoiding falling tubas, trumpets, piccolos, avoiding in-your-face-during-College-Game-Day-cameramen, and cords. Watch out for the cords. And grab your cape. One, two, ready, Go. The amount of gold, and the lack of breath is beautiful.
Nothing beats that feeling. Performing with the Pride. It makes everything worth it. Sacrifice, time, sickness, dehydration, the weather, sweat, tears. Everything. After the first few times you do it, the appeal kinda wears off. But when it’s for the last time- it begins to mean something. Every performance isn’t half effort. Even the Demo shows become more of an honor than a task. Every time you sing the Alma Mater, it begins to sink in- what you’re singing for. Whether you have to start it over three times in a row because you aren’t properly articulating Wes”t”, or whether it’s your last time singing it in the Mountaineer Stadium embraced arm in arm with your best friends after swaying and crying all the way through Country Roads. Almost Heaven, indeedy.
Whether you end up a statistic of this band, a story, or a staple- you’ve entered into a new musical realm. One that can hardly be explained by words- but easily by experience. Take what you have been given, as a simple gift. Proudly take it, and make it all that you can- Whether it’s your first, fourth, or 30th... &, um, Welcome, to the Pride of WV.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Thought Processes...

     It's interesting, how every single person, sees they're own view of the world. How many people are on Earth today?  -7 Billion, or something?  Yeah. Crazy awesome. But God has made us to do so. He has given us the past, the elements, the environment, the potential. Every single one of us.  But one of the most interesting things, is that God has also been re-created almost as many times as there are humans, as well.  Because we are all different, we all think of God differently.
     But God Is.  He created us. We can't create Him. We can seek Him. The more we seek Him with our hearts, the more we will find Him.  He's always been there. Waiting for us to take whatever it is that He's offering us with an open hand. Grace? Joy? Peace? It's there. 
     So many try to create God- without studying Him, and learning about Him, and without seeking Him and His truth.  How is that even acceptable?  We can't just squint our eyes and see the bad.  ..The suffering, the pain, the hypocrisy. We can't do that.  Why are so many people willing to see the bad, without the good?  How is that fair to the God that gave us EVERYTHING He had to offer?  How is that fair when He has created us this world to prepare ourselves for eternity with Him through enjoyment, beauty, nature, song of worship, fellowship, and truth?  How blind are we? 
     As a young human, I'm aware that I was born into a culture that is so accepting of almost anything and everything taboo. And it's so hard for older generations to understand why we are so accepting and open minded about it.  It's because we have been blinded. We are consumed into a media-saturated society that it makes everything unusual- accepted, and makes "the ideal look" something that is so unobtainable and filthy.
     It's hard for me to grasp the concept that so many people think that there isn't even a God. They believe that we just "are" and we live- life sucks- and then we die.  Whoo-hoo. Yups. That'll help me get up every morning. That's the kind of attitude that'll make the world a better place. That'll promote joy and peace and enjoyment. It'll definately motivate me to live life to the fullest for nothing.  Whoo......hoo.   It's sad, really.      
     Maybe people seek God for some peace of mind. Yes. Is that a Terrible thing? Is it odd that people know where to go to find relief from this world and worldly things?  Why is that thought an awful thing?  Yes. God is peace, and light, and love- but there's hard things in the mix too. Life as a Christian isn't all sugar cookies, and rainbows.  Ask anyone that lives their life to glorify God.  It's hard. Then it gets harder.  But man, is it SO worth it!!! 
     The group of people that I grew up around and continue to seek worldly fellowship with- they judge me so harshly.   Looks are beyond important to them.  If you don't listen to the right kind of music and aren't the right kind of person- they don't accept you.  I mean, a lot of the group accepts me still- but I don't even want to know what they say about me when I leave a room. I certainly don't command earthly popularity or anything even remotely close to it.  They all openly see me as odd, though.. They laugh at me and question me when I wake up in a joyful mood, when I'm loud and friendly, or when I stop to take in how beautiful the sky is. Or when I want to run in the rain, or not pick up any of their addictive habits. 
     But nor do I care.  I am steadfast and strong- but that is how God raised me.  That's how He makes me process the world.  He has blessed me with the attention, appreciation, and time to slow down and enjoy the little things hidden within Him. When I am 77 years old and finally admit to myself that I am aging after all these years- I won't, at all, look back and regret NOT taking the time to enjoy life. Love. Joy. Song. Laughter. Friendship. Nature. The sky. Family. My youth. My health. An ever-growing relationship with Our God. 
     Think God.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Inspiration.

     It's funny, how when we are just living life- our favorites find us and inspire us..
Songs, smells, flowers, tastes, times of the day, days of the week, months of the year, outfits, Bible verses, people, meals, destinations, jokes, comedians, causes, classes, careers, ourselves.
     I turn two decades old tomorrow.  It, will be a tough day.  It will be the first birthday I have spent apart from my Twin Brother. It will be a day of traveling and reflecting; it will be a day to look back and see how much has changed just since birth, or even just this year.  It will be a time to dwell in my favorite things, and embrace them- just wrap myself in the memories like one would with a large, thick, fuzzy blanket on a cold, blustery, winter's day.. 
     One of things that I will reflect on tomorrow during the celebration of my day of birth, will be how my favorites found me.  Just recently, I figured out my favorite flower.  Seemingly silly, I know. But it came to me in the most out of place moment.  ..A few months ago, at a Woman's Bible Study, I was asked what my favorite flower was.  I drew a blank. What an awful girl am I- to not even know what my favorite flower was. I suppose this is a subject one should wallow about on as a young child, and I had no idea.  I muttered, "dead roses." True- I am more than taken aback when surrounded by flowers that have outgrown their soft, plump, youthfulness, but I hadn't even convinced myself of this when this was quickly spoken.  As we went around the room- the answers to his question continued getting more detailed as this particular question was quietly posed. Girls new down to the type- color- scent.  Sheesh. How are these women so sure of things that are their favorite. How had this come to them?  Did the flowers choose them? When did these women come into contact with their flower choice? Through smell?  Sight? An image? Contact?  A gift?  Had I missed a day of elementary school where every girl there that day when to a green house and decided?  ( I mean- I'm pretty sure I missed several of those Girl day lessons- like how to put on make-up, how to quickly shave one's legs, how to flirt, lessons on sleepovers, nails, and jumping.)
     Anyway, this quick discussion truly set me into a whirlwind of reflection. My favorites?  Why do the things that appeal to me- appeal to me?  What inside, draws me to my interests?  What draws others to theirs? God is so interesting. Creating humans to be so different and all. Every single one of us..
     I was given an eclectic handful of dying roses, from my Beautiful Best- Madalyn.  I hung them upside down to dry by attaching them with a hair-band to my doorknob. Days passed, and I continuously brushed by and bumped into them.  I finally slowed down enough to find the time to move them to another doorknob. I turned the once rainbowful bouquet, upside down to check their progress- and my heart sank. Truly sank.  I, fell in love with dead yellow roses at that very moment.  So crisp. The deep color of lush honey-mustard, mixed with the color one of my favorite yellowish Pashminas.  Passion. I stared into this single dead little rose. It- in it's simplicity- was so beautiful.
     Is that how my other favorites had found me?  When I tasted my favorite foods or desserts, did my mind and heart unknowingly sink into a mindless state of passion. Did my blood rush a little faster that any other bite of anything else that had came across my taste-buds? My favorite song- did I mindlessly put it on repeat and listen to it over and over- picking it apart- verse by verse, word for word, chord by chord, note by note- because of my interest in it?
     What designates things as favorites?  Or least favorites?  And how fascinating, that almost everything in the world inspires us differently? Every little thing. 
     This evening, Madalyn and I took a wowerful stroll in the park with some Tiramisu ice cream and some very large spoons.  We talked about beauty. And wisdom. And inspiration.  What a wonderful birthday present.  We discussed a quote.  "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mmmmmm. Gandhi truly was an inspirational human being. How simplistic and lovely this is.  I preached to her about how I wish to be seen as a person that has lived like this.  A person that has taken to this world- and has seen it through the eyes of beauty that God wishes us to see it.
     I see the details in leaves as God taking the time to show us He cares about detail. I see the sky as God showing off- because He can. I see fall as God painting the mountains and showing us his artistic side. I see each day that He wakes me up- as an opportunity to change the world and make it more like the way He wishes it to be. 
     She is one of my favorite humans. Being able to be so real with another person. Being able to cry in-font of, with, and for. Being able to have an entire conversation in sound effects. Being able to gain so much strength from and give so much strength to. Being able to sacrifice so much for one person. Being able to pray for, and with, and not afraid of the words that God breathes through those prayers. When I see her- I know she is one of my favorites. She makes me feel at home, and comfortable. She makes me want to hug her and call her sister. She makes me so sure of the fact that she will be one of the few humans in my life that will stay in my life until old age. 
     Tomorrow, on my Birthday, I will also reflect upon other things that have made me the person God has inspired me to be- with the things He has provided around me, as well as wonder how much my "favorites" will change the more I have the opportunity to experience this world. I will wonder how much I will change- or how much I will inspire myself in the future. Every time I look through pictures that I have collected, or Blog entries that I have written. Every time I think about the friends that I have made, or the opportunities I have experienced. Every time I seek through my mind to find memories I am fond of.. I will inspire myself all over again.
...Happy Birthday to me. Happy Two Decades.  This will not be just another day. It will be a celebration of what has, does, and will inspire me to be, ...Ainslee.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Mid-afternoon cravings..

I crave to be more free spirited, yet more responsible.
I crave to be more gentle, yet more bold.
I crave to be more physically fit, yet have a freer schedule.
I crave to be more beautiful, yet try less.
I crave to be more adventurous, yet study harder.
I crave to be more wise, yet stay young.
I crave to be more fashionable, yet keep a budget.
I crave to finish a book, yet I fall asleep while reading.
I crave to change the world, yet live in nature.
I crave to keep a social life, yet spread my self thicker.
I crave for more people to know the real me, yet I continue to perform.
I crave to keep old friendships alive, yet constantly meet new people.
I crave to be more spontaneous, yet more mature.
I crave to be more elegant, yet I walk around with bruises.
I crave to live a life for God, and, there is nothing's stopping me..

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Page 28.

     Often times, when we're being silly, God just sits back- and giggles at us.  He knows that He's making all efforts on His part to show us what it is that He wants from us. He is always trying to redirect us to focus on Him, know He's ALWAYS there whether we need Him or not, and that He- is beautiful. There He is. Sitting on His throne- giggling. 
     When we see those itty bitty little glances of Him, we not only experience those, "Duh" moments, but we giggle right along side with Him. 
I have experienced more little "Duh" moments in the past few months than I have acquired throughout my entire lifetime. 
Duh's about life, and love, and wisdom, wrath and beauty; His character, and what He truly sees and expects from me...   God, really is, My FAVORITE Comedian.
     Right now, I'm gonna be super open, and pour out a tad bit of my personal life..  I am a struggling Christian female. ..."Duh." 
     I am a man-girl. I enjoy dirt, and adventures, and nature, and doing things that scare me. I love being weird, loud, and goofy, and I'm the clumsiest human that I know. I am also a girl- that hated other girls- until a few months ago. God slapped femininity in my face. He did it, through the workings of a Women's Retreat. Instead of seeing annoying manipulative girls that are over obsessed with blaming their problems on the media- I saw girls, passionate for God. When I met these women, I saw stunning figures. All of them, unique and happy. But, little did I know, my mind would be blown, and these unique, happy girls, would transform through my eyes into radiant, gentle, beautiful, darlings. Not because of who they are- but because of who He is.  God shoved me off of my cliff, into the mind set- that I am an idiot for looking in the mirror every morning and seeing failure and unworthiness in myself, and putting that off onto feelings that I feel for other women. 
     The hardest thing I struggle with. ..The mirror.
     It tells me I am too fat to ever find true love. It tells me I have tired eyes. It tells me I am lazy. It tells me I have a crazy messy white girl fro every morning I wake up. It tells me that my Scarves are safe to hide behind. It tells me that people shouldn't want to spend time with me, because my features are unflattering.
     ...Funny that the mirror only goes less than skin deep.  .."Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly." 1 Corinthians 13:12.
I think, that over the next few weeks, I'm going to be falling head over heels- with someone that speaks the pure words that could have inspired Solomon. With someone that constructed a universe of awe-inspiring miracles.  With someone that sees me as perfect, and beautiful; flawless and lovely. With someone that puts light and love into my eyes. With someone that gives me energy when I am weak. With someone that calms my storms- no matter how big or small. With someone that sees me for everything I am, and loves me the same; the same one that gives me the passion to express myself to glorify Him. With someone that blesses me with family and friends; brothers and sisters; teachers and disciples- that want to fellowship with me- and share my ideas, and grow from what I have to say, and that will reciprocate so that I can grow in the wisdom the Holy Spirit provides.  I will be falling head over heels, for Jesus Christ.
     I know for some people- that last sentence there, seems really annoying, and cliche, and- I'm not gonna lie- never before would I have imagined myself as a "one of those Christian people".. But for some people, that last sentence- is the life of hundreds of thousands of people- all of whom where seen as pure, and lovely, too.
     I am inspired to write today, because of a Leslie Ludy book that I just began reading. "Set-Apart Femininity.  With ever page I read, the tears continue to fall. I weep while reading this book, because this is what God is using to slap me in the face- for now.  I can't even imagine what the rest of the book holds in store for me- but I know, that by the end of this book- I will at least have a clearer vision of the female that God wants me to be so badly.  The feminine half of Him. The female that God will prepare for a lifetime of devoted service to Him.  I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR GOD.  And this book is written beautifully to begin to prepare me.
     "...Only one question remains. Are we willing to lay down everything else and take up His set-apart commission?  God's sacred intent for us goes far beyond just saving sex until marriage, wearing one-piece swimsuits instead of skimpy string bikini, or idolizing Christian bands instead of secular ones. It is not just making sure we tack on some Christian morality to our self-indulgent lives.  His sacred intent for you and for me is nothing short of absolute abandonment to Jesus Christ, entire separation from the pollution of the world, and ardent worship of our King with every breath we take.  Yes, it's a huge vision- one that is contrary to everything our culture represents. In our modern world, we as young women seem to be presented with only two options for our femininity- we can either embrace the sensual, sexed-up version of womanhood glorified by pop culture, or we can go the opposite direction and trade in perfume and makeup for grit, grunge, and guy-like behavior.  But both sides of these options cause us to completely miss out on the glorious pattern God designed for our femininity. We were created to shine with heavenly beauty, to radiate with Christlike feminine loveliness, and to sparkle with the lily-white purity of our Prince. We were created to be set apart for Him.  ...the good news is- you don't have to achieve it on your own."
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Artist Statement

     I prepare my mind like a sculptor prepares to carve a sculpture from a block of marble. Stopping. Visualizing what the end result will look like. I grab my material- happiness, comfort, interesting, eclectic, challenging. What will come out the other end of my sewing machine?  I begin to understand how clothing is put together. Every seem. Every stitch. Every stop and start. Every movement of my needle. I sew to calm my nerves. I sew to show everyone who I am through my talents and my taste. I sew to prove myself, to all who gaze upon me and all who doubt me. I sew for God.
     I picture the end result as unique. Vintage. Individual. What can I make that people will notice? What will my given talents from God allow me to make?  I think modest with a twist of professionalism and post-World War II. I think Dior. What a man. I sew the garment as to be stable and long lasting. I hardly pay attention to trends, but when I do, I add a twist of myself. I picture garments that can start conversations. Garments that turn people's heads and get them thinking. I construct my garments not for attention, but for when on-lookers gaze upon me, they see a little of themselves in my work: the quirky, fun-desiring side; their inner child, their wildest dreams.
     When I begin to sew, I reminisce. What am I holding in? What do I want to create the feelings of while wearing my piece? I sew with rainbow taffeta, silk and velvet, and shower curtains- to show my living side.  To express the me that I never could as a child. To be the light that I was never able to be. Even if I fail at exactly what it was that I was trying to make, I end up with something more different than I could have even imagined (often as God does for us through all things), and I end up having so many blessed conversations through my most odd pieces. I crave to have people tell me that they wish the could let go of as much as I do, and wear the things they want to wear. I love hearing that they wish they could stop caring what people think of them, and not follow main-stream society. I crave to have my on-lookers minds crave things that are not understood or even accepted by "everyone else"- right along with me. I want to shape the world with the freedom that I experience within the comforts of God. He accepts us- no matter what we wear.  Why not wear things that allow us to grow as people and not as the produced robots that culture tells us we should be? Why follow the norm? Why not dress joyfully and comfortably, and uniquely? Why not pick statement pieces that reflect our individual personalities that God has blessed us with?  I sew for love. I sew for understanding of self. I sew, for God.

Butter Noodles.

       The past few months have BLOWN MY MIND.
God has changed me in almost every way I could even imagine.  These past few moths have been more on the eclectic side of things, but as far as my version of human goes- this is how I grow.
God is Always Strenghtening our relationship with Him. Through EVERYTHING.  Whether it's the smallest little sampling of patience/ longsuffering, or He tests you with having you give your Brother up to the Country in which you worship Him Freely, and all the time.
       Over and over, God has been revealing to me how important it is to be confessing, and to be having CONSTANT fellowship with Him- whether that is through attending a good church, getting involved in the community, and Praying.
       And through SO MANY blessings of Discipleship, I have opened my eyes to a whole new look on my God.  It's funny how different something can be when you are listening to it compared to if you are teaching it.  God is Just, Beautiful, Jealous, Loving, Patient, Amazing, and Holy (to name a few...)  
       Through the conversations I have had, I have experienced passion, love, care, joy, and a whole new perspective on how broken I really was. "It took God to show me how Broken I Really Was..." (thank you Beautiful Erin Shepherd.. :)  Love you, Darling.)  And on top of that, how much, We as humans.... suck.
       But it's equally important to remember how God sees us, and why.
       One simple answer: As Perfect because of Jesus.
       WOW.
       I mean, ....WOW.
       God have HIS SON!!!! What kind of a Father would do that?  OURS!!! THAT's WHO!!!!
       WHAT A SACRIFICE so that we could walk and live in the Light, and get to bask in the glow of Heaven when we leave Earth. AMAZING AMAZING.  WOW.
       Everyday, I am becoming closer in my walk with God and becoming, well.. more Christ-like.  He WANTS us to life like He did while he was on Earth. He WANTS us to reflect that, so that Earth, or our Country, or even our Communities, could be better places.
       We suck. Really. But, if we Believe, I mean, you've got GOD.  What are you EVER going to do on Earth that could top THAT????
       .......Yeah... Thought so.
       A life in the Darkness (humankind sinfulness) is like an Unhealthy Diet. No rules or guidelines. No definement of what a healthy diet would look like, or oblivious to consideration for exercising. Then, you notice a need to change after you can no longer zip up your jeggings. Sooo, you decide to begin to live a healthier life, as to change the outcome of your future. Now- a path has been set out for you. Exercising, fruits and vegetables, and all that jazz. Then, one day, you decided to meander away from those low-calorie sandwiches, and the cutting out of breads and sweets, and you decide to indulge in Butter Noodles.  (What an Incredible Snack. Unhealthy, NOT whole-grain pasta- smothered in 17 shakes of a salt shaker and half a tub of Butter. Yeah. Paula Dean knows what she's talking about with that butter thing..)  Automatic guilt after the first bite, but Soooooooo Delicious. You experience happiness for almost half a second after every bite. Then, when you're done with your plate of noodles, you start freaking out, and doubting so many things. Unsure of yourself, your reflection, and the thought of whether your Spring Break bikini will fit... You broke your diet. You'll never forgive yourself. But, the cool thing is- that evening you talk to your nutritionist/ personal trainer. He says that it's okay. We don't consume and indulge in the right things 100% of the time. We do stray in guilty pleasures and don't treat our bodies the way we should. But, we can get back on the right track. Your fitness trainer comforts you, and reassures you that everything is still right on track- because you learned from those Butter Noodles. You learned that it hurt to stray away from your diet. It hurt to only have temporary happieness rather than the joy of dropping a few pounds for Spring Break.
God is our Personal Trainer/ nutritionist.
He is the giver of the "diet" and the graceful forgiveness.
The Butter Noodles are the Delicious Temporary Happiness we refer to as Sin.
We are the Consumer of the Butter Noodles and the ones that learn more and more everyday how to walk in the light, and understand fully who God is, what He is capable of, and how He wants to affect our lives. We are the ones who grow from those "Butter Noodle-ful" experiences and become stronger in our diet, and out relationship with our Personal Trainer.
       Thank You God, for my Growth, and for Growing those around me. Thank You for my Words, and my gift of Encouragement from You. Thank You, Father,  for your Beauty, and you love for Us everyday and at every waking moment.  Continue to make us "healthier" in our walk with you, and help us reach the Beach: eternity with you. You, are an AMAZING God.   Amen.

Come Sail Away...

ADAM

My Twin Brother, My Best Friend.

My Pain, My Support System.

My Bully, My Protector.

My Weakness, My Strength.

My Earthly Humility, My Pride.

My Tears, My Happiness.

My Brokenness, My Comfort.

My Muscles. My Huggie Boy.

My “just a phone call away.” My “so far away”.

My Prayer Request. My Prayer Answered.

My Past. My Present. My Future.

My Little Big Brother.

Adam, I have always been proud of you. And now, it’s not just because of the little things that you never thought mattered.

This is HUGE.

This truly is Some thing to be proud of.

But, don’t think I didn’t notice all of the little things. All of them.

Don’t think that I didn’t take notice every time you stood up for me. Don’t think I didn’t notice every time you sacrificed your comfort for mine.  

It meant more than you could ever know every time you built me up behind my back.

I know you hoped I never noticed, but I know you look up to me.

I couldn’t be more honored to call ANYONE ELSE my Brother. Every opportunity I have, I brag about you. You make me so Proud. You have a heart of gold.  Everyone else here knows it too. 

You, are no ordinary Brother.

You are MY Brother.

So successful in the things in which you are passionate about.

Never ashamed to be affectionate or silly.

Always Adventurous. Always Encouraging.

People smile when they see you coming.

Adam, That’s a blessing of a gift. Not everyone carries that.

Growing up, when people had a hard time tolerating you, I saw YOU. I saw the heart underneath of the sometimes, slight cluelessness.

The first time I saw people really take notice of your compassion, was when you were doing something you truly loved, something that I introduced you to- 4-H.

Your first year, an “H”. Wow.  I was livid when you didn’t get “Most Outstanding First Year Camper”. When they gave you that “H”, I balled. What an honor. My Brother. All those years of getting picked on- and that moment was so worth it for you. I could tell because I could feel it.

 Someone had finally taken notice. But Adam, I always have.

The things I could do with your Selfless Heart.

I know you are not leaving forever…

But, we will just have to let loose of the Huggie Happy Boy we always knew.

You will come back more appreciative of what you’re a part of.

You will come back more appreciative of your family, and friends, and will not take as many things for granted.

You will come back a Man.

The truth is, you will still come back as Adam.

Just, a more mature Adam.

You’ll still be the one that was there with me as we began to grow and understand the concepts of walking, and talking, of playing and sharing, of life, and love, of Heaven,

and Death, and of God.

You’ll still be the one who drank “chocolate milk” out of the mud puddle in the driveway.

You’ll still be the one who decorated the bathtub.

You’ll still be the one that gave me a pumpkin lip, a chipped tooth, a broken arm and chicken pox.

You’ll still be the one that yelled at me when I tried to teach you how to spell and read and helped to graduate high school.

You’ll still be the one that sat on top of the homemade grill with me and shouted “Underwear is Fun to Wear” for hours.

You’ll still be the one that would chop down trails into the brush just so we could go on pretend adventures for hours in the places we shouldn’t have been anyway.

You’ll still be the one who introduced me to new things: Adventuring, Milkyweek, Videogames, Weight training, Mustard, and lighters. –Even though, not all those things turned out for the best… hahah.

You’ll still be the one who believed me that putting books down our pants was a good idea.

You’ll still be the one who wrecked the Go-Kart with me.

You’ll still be the one who jogged with me on the beach to the dock when Dad slept.

You’ll still be the one who threw snow in my face.

You’ll still be the one who sees it my way that having an accessory around your neck is fashionable, and not a sign of being crazy.

You’ll still be the one who would drink imaginary tea with me out of Mom’s not-so-imaginary yet, expensive teacups.

You’ll still be the one that held my hand through every moment I needed it.

You’ll still be the one who feels for me, and I, for you.

But, it IS a big deal that you are leaving.

We will be strong for you, until you turn around.

Just thought I’d be honest.

Mama is letting go of her little Boy, Cierra- her fighting partner, Dad, his only Son, and I, my Twin Brother.

Adam, You will still be the one that I will miss. But you won’t be gone forever. You will only grow up a little bit more. And we will love you the same- maybe more.

We will no longer take YOU for granted.

I love you, Brobbity. With all of my heart.

Love, Sisserton Ains.

Old Swans of a New Lake

       I know that this is an odd way to start a blog post, But I am Terrible at being a Girl.  I mean that in the most ladylike way possible. I have been bad at it since I can remember. I was blessed with an incredible Twin brother, and we did everything together when we were younger- play in dirt and mud, wrestle, catch slimy creatures, nap, cry, get in trouble, shout down our homemade outdoor grill pipe "Underwear is fun to wear!"  ..Ya know. Typical sibling stuff.  ha.
      I’ve struggled with the fight to be a decent girl my entire life, and because of my odd understanding of them, it had caused me to be bitter with the Female Gender.. But, it’s left me with having the amazing opportunity of being able to make, keep, and title so many of my guy friends, as Good friends. We are real with each other. Often times, I know it would just be easier to be a guy. What an Escape Route?!?! BUT, as much as I can hope and wish to be completely and un-awkwardly be a part of a Men's time, I can not be.
       This realization has helped me to face one of the most difficult things I have struggled with. ...NOT being a Chauvinist Pig.  Yes.  I mention the bitter thing again- I really had harbored sooo much anger and frustration towards women and had almost become the farthest thing away from being able to just explain them because of my lack of respect for them.
     Old view of Women: They're ditzy, and two-faced. Stubborn. Generally obsessed with outer appearances. They are weak. Helpless. Can't drive. And shouldn't ski because there is "no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom".  I had been angry with women for so long.  Having had the past I had with just observing and not fitting in with them, it was a wonder I even remained to give women a chance..
       Well, it turns out, I hadn't met the right ones and the right impressions had never been made.
      The Kicker: I have been attending a Women's Bible Study, held Tuesday nights, called Rubies (Proverbs 31:10). It’s organized by women of a larger organization through WVU called CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ).        
       These women have changed my life.
     I went to one single little meeting last year as a Freshman. I noticed that this single meeting had changed so many girls, and really meant a lot. I couldn’t understand. I remember meeting a RedHeaded Beauty that night. She admitted of holding so much back from the past and, just, wanted to open up so badly to us. I love you Natalie. But, I was so ready to be macho-ly vulnerable, lay things out on the line, be tough, abrasive, aggressive.  I quickly learned that women AREN'T like this. There were sooooo many waterworks the very first night. Honestly, I wasn't ready for that. I wanted friends. NOT more pansies to lean and sob on my shoulder.  
            I didn’t give them a chance, though. These women. These WOMEN.    AMAZING.  I mean, I just.. can’t say it enough. They embrace God. They are wise. Tough. Honest. Joyful. Patient. B-E-A-U-Ti-Ful. Educated. Goal oriented. They want the same things I do. They love God more than I could even imagine. AMAZING.
     Women are complicated, but they can easily be explained, and loved. They are strong things. They are amazingly beautiful things. They have minds, and are capable of making their own decisions. They are also capable of finding and learning to trust the man of their dreams, and submitting to him, and trusting him enough to submit. I’m not talking just sexually, but, in every area of life.  Trust is Huge.
     I have gone through life, and met a TON of people, already. I plan to meet more. The ones that come into my life and truly change it for the better, I let them stay. They stay and influence & inspire me to be a better human; a better Ainslee. Whether they are female or male, doesn’t matter to me anymore. 
     Girls may get sappy over little things like Love Stories and puppies, but it takes patience to understand why. First of all, BOYS even get ooey gooey over puppes.. and the Love Story thing: Girls just want to be treated right.  They want to find a man that’s not going to waste their time. A guy that will also tell his daughter that no Boy is good enough for his daughter. A guy that cares about, and loves his life. Crazy thought, I know.  Women are constantly seeking that dream man. The love of her life.
     Girls can be dramatic, and think WAYYYYY to far into things, but it’s the way God made us.  Girls over-think EVERTHING.  They assume, and put a definition behind every action. It’s out of caring, and trying to understand the world provided. I mean, seriously, at every waking moment, and at any given time, a woman is thinking about 7 different things. Crazy I tell you.  But they make more sense to me.
     Men and Women will never see eye to eye 100%, but it makes life interesting! If a man doesn’t always look at a woman why she is speaking to him, it doesn’t always mean he isn’t listening. It’s in how we were raised.  Men will probably adore sports and man time more than ANY woman could ever understand, but as a woman, it is understood that we know our Men need that time to keep their Sanity. Ha. And men can’t always drop what they’re doing to serve women at their every whim, but that is why women are blessed with patience…
     Women honestly come in every way imaginable. Short, tall, skinny, large, blonde brunette, red-headed, harsh, girly, sporty, loud, controlled, emotional, bored, musical, artsy, ditsy, plane-jane, positive patty. Whatever the case, we’re all women. And when it comes down to it, and the time is right, we can all prove to be lovely, intelligent, strong, and all unique.
     It has taken me 2o years to realize that I should be proud to be a woman. I should be proud to be a part of something that is bigger than I could even imagine. I am swimming in a Lake of swans. Encouraging, incredible, humorous, God-loving/living/breathing Swans. I would like to call those Swans.. my Sisters of Christ.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

How Beautiful HE Really Is...

       I look at God like a child looks at: a falling leaf, a trickling stream, a snow flake, being tucked in at night, and even a tear, dripping from the tip of their nose.  So beautiful. Perfectly there. Powerful in the small things. 
God is Amazing. He gives us direction when our eyes are sealed shut. He gives us light when everything has shut off and shut down. He pushes us to take leaps that we didn't even think Possible. He helps us to grow, and to know that when He is done with us, we're "White as Snow".
       It's hard to describe Him to someone that doesn't understand. Hmmmm. He is the strength I never knew I had. He is what takes my guilt and anxiety away. He is my promise for a Life after this one has been lived out for Him. He is like an Eternally Incredible and Metaphorical Santa Claus. Yes. Santa. You never see him but you just know what He looks like in incredible detail. You can just "feel" his jolly spirit in the air and in your heart. (Ya know, Santa's sleigh bells jingle-jangling and that warm fuzzy seasonal feeling?) He is known all over the world. He delivers you what is on your wish list if it is asked for with the right heart- no questions asked, no take backs. He is Gracious in that way. He will bring you that wanted serenity and joy that you've been hoping to receive for years. He'll place your gift of freedom from sin on the place in which you've prepared for him.  But this difference between my "Santa" and the Rest of the world's...
       Mine is real. He is everywhere. Every musical note played and that has yet to be. Every stunning Sunrise or Sunset that has ever graced this world- or that has yet to come, as they are birthed from or swallowed by breathtaking scenery. Every fallen leaf, or snowflake, ever bit of laughter, tranquility, love, patience, joy, grace, obedience, and every little prayer that touches little lips.  In the construction of every physical body- so intricately detailed. Every ounce of good that exists. He is Beautiful.  He is my everyday reason for tears of joy. The reason I wake up in the morning.
       I am not blessed with much, But I AM blessed with Just Enough. He's seen to it. I've had so many opportunities, and am so different- because He radiates through me.
       He chose me sooo long ago to live and serve Him. He gave His son for me. That's Beyond beautiful.  I am his Daughter. I will make a difference. Life is NEVER easy or safe. Some say that's why they wear helmets. I say, that's why I wear the personality God has blessed me with. I am beautiful. Only because of Him. I will suffer trials- even harder than others could imagine- because God needs me to grow to better serve Him.
       So that I can show others how beautiful He is. So I can bring His joy that I embrace so strongly in my heart. So that life has purpose. So that we can even be better human beings. God is good. He is loving. He is strong. He is gracious. His is always there. He, is beautiful.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Oddly Reminiscing Amongst Future Conclusions.

       Sometimes, we go on living. Moving. Ahead. Going. Forward. But, there's those random times when we oddly look back- and inspire our own selves all over again.  I do this with so many things:   Notes I've jotted down during a sermon, information pages I've written about myself when I was dreadfully tired, and even pictures that I've collected and have completely forgotten about. 
       --I'm going to be honest, and tell you all now, that I truly have a bit of a hoarding problem. And I mean it. I mean, Really. With EVERYTHING. Mainly fashion things. Buttons. Clothes. Clothing tags. Jewelry, Fashion magazines. Music. Pictures. Drawings on papers from, like, the 2nd grade. Receipts. ←THAT's THE HUGE ONE. YEAH. Bigger problem than the Scarves.  
       Oh, and the up-to-date number on the scarves: 283.
       But back to the point, I've kept these things, in thoughts that I might need them one day, or, just thought they were inspiring, and fabulous. But I recently was forced to go through a de-cluttering intervention. THAT's WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR. :)
       I threw away receipts from 1998. My friends forced me to, but... I mean, c'mon.  Enough said.. WHAT WAS I BUYING IN 1998 THAT WOULD BE SO IMPORTANT TO KEEP RECORD OF??  A $0.25 PACK OF GUM???? 
       But, even though this large number of all of my things were overwhelming, it was all so awe-inspiring as well.  Almost all of my life, I have kept to things that clearly point to what I just recently decided I wanted to CONTINUE to do with the rest of my life. Fashion.  I knew in 2ND GRADE what I loved more than I realized 2 WEEKS ago.
       And all of this reflection made me realize one thing.  I will need 0.0000% of this when I'm looking God in the face. I'll need none of it when HE asks me how I used my given talent to sweep the Fashion world by Storm. I have no use for materialistic things- except, they make me neat. Sometimes.
       I'll remember the friends that have entered in and out of my life & I will remember how they have inspired me and the rather. I will remember the prayers I have prayed & will know which ones were answered with God's perfect timing. I will remember the things I have read & what from those readings I have shared with others because I wanted to change their lives with that little slice of wisdom as well. I WILL remember information, and words spoken and written, laughter, love, so many sunrises, but will forget so many little things. The way it feels to be young, the reason I wrote in my diary from 5th Grade that I liked a kid named Ian, the way it will feel to hug my parents, or even the way it will feel to smile with MY OWN teeth.  God lasts forever, though. Longer than any of US can even imagine. Longer than a Fad, a Style, a Runway Show. Longer than you & I. HE is sooo big, yet we are so small. God is beautiful. I aspire to be like HIS Son more and more everyday... so that I can be neat. All the time.
       But, I suppose that's what comes, from oddly reminiscing amongst Future Conclusions...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Blessed with a Fashionable Fresh Start. ♥

     Along with a New Year, was welcomed in so many new things...  Not only new Scarves, but a new appetite, new classes, a new way of organization, and a new found appreciation for singleness.  But, as always, along with new- comes old.  New found friendships with old friends, new found styles in old clothes, and a new found love in an old smile.       
       
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥