I know that this is an odd way to start a blog post, But I am Terrible at being a Girl. I mean that in the most ladylike way possible. I have been bad at it since I can remember. I was blessed with an incredible Twin brother, and we did everything together when we were younger- play in dirt and mud, wrestle, catch slimy creatures, nap, cry, get in trouble, shout down our homemade outdoor grill pipe "Underwear is fun to wear!" ..Ya know. Typical sibling stuff. ha.
I’ve struggled with the fight to be a decent girl my entire life, and because of my odd understanding of them, it had caused me to be bitter with the Female Gender.. But, it’s left me with having the amazing opportunity of being able to make, keep, and title so many of my guy friends, as Good friends. We are real with each other. Often times, I know it would just be easier to be a guy. What an Escape Route?!?! BUT, as much as I can hope and wish to be completely and un-awkwardly be a part of a Men's time, I can not be.
This realization has helped me to face one of the most difficult things I have struggled with. ...NOT being a Chauvinist Pig. Yes. I mention the bitter thing again- I really had harbored sooo much anger and frustration towards women and had almost become the farthest thing away from being able to just explain them because of my lack of respect for them.
Old view of Women: They're ditzy, and two-faced. Stubborn. Generally obsessed with outer appearances. They are weak. Helpless. Can't drive. And shouldn't ski because there is "no snow between the kitchen and the bedroom". I had been angry with women for so long. Having had the past I had with just observing and not fitting in with them, it was a wonder I even remained to give women a chance..
Well, it turns out, I hadn't met the right ones and the right impressions had never been made.
The Kicker: I have been attending a Women's Bible Study, held Tuesday nights, called Rubies (Proverbs 31:10). It’s organized by women of a larger organization through WVU called CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ).
These women have changed my life.
I went to one single little meeting last year as a Freshman. I noticed that this single meeting had changed so many girls, and really meant a lot. I couldn’t understand. I remember meeting a RedHeaded Beauty that night. She admitted of holding so much back from the past and, just, wanted to open up so badly to us. I love you Natalie. But, I was so ready to be macho-ly vulnerable, lay things out on the line, be tough, abrasive, aggressive. I quickly learned that women AREN'T like this. There were sooooo many waterworks the very first night. Honestly, I wasn't ready for that. I wanted friends. NOT more pansies to lean and sob on my shoulder.
I didn’t give them a chance, though. These women. These WOMEN. AMAZING. I mean, I just.. can’t say it enough. They embrace God. They are wise. Tough. Honest. Joyful. Patient. B-E-A-U-Ti-Ful. Educated. Goal oriented. They want the same things I do. They love God more than I could even imagine. AMAZING.
Women are complicated, but they can easily be explained, and loved. They are strong things. They are amazingly beautiful things. They have minds, and are capable of making their own decisions. They are also capable of finding and learning to trust the man of their dreams, and submitting to him, and trusting him enough to submit. I’m not talking just sexually, but, in every area of life. Trust is Huge.
I have gone through life, and met a TON of people, already. I plan to meet more. The ones that come into my life and truly change it for the better, I let them stay. They stay and influence & inspire me to be a better human; a better Ainslee. Whether they are female or male, doesn’t matter to me anymore.
Girls may get sappy over little things like Love Stories and puppies, but it takes patience to understand why. First of all, BOYS even get ooey gooey over puppes.. and the Love Story thing: Girls just want to be treated right. They want to find a man that’s not going to waste their time. A guy that will also tell his daughter that no Boy is good enough for his daughter. A guy that cares about, and loves his life. Crazy thought, I know. Women are constantly seeking that dream man. The love of her life.
Girls can be dramatic, and think WAYYYYY to far into things, but it’s the way God made us. Girls over-think EVERTHING. They assume, and put a definition behind every action. It’s out of caring, and trying to understand the world provided. I mean, seriously, at every waking moment, and at any given time, a woman is thinking about 7 different things. Crazy I tell you. But they make more sense to me.
Men and Women will never see eye to eye 100%, but it makes life interesting! If a man doesn’t always look at a woman why she is speaking to him, it doesn’t always mean he isn’t listening. It’s in how we were raised. Men will probably adore sports and man time more than ANY woman could ever understand, but as a woman, it is understood that we know our Men need that time to keep their Sanity. Ha. And men can’t always drop what they’re doing to serve women at their every whim, but that is why women are blessed with patience…
Women honestly come in every way imaginable. Short, tall, skinny, large, blonde brunette, red-headed, harsh, girly, sporty, loud, controlled, emotional, bored, musical, artsy, ditsy, plane-jane, positive patty. Whatever the case, we’re all women. And when it comes down to it, and the time is right, we can all prove to be lovely, intelligent, strong, and all unique.
It has taken me 2o years to realize that I should be proud to be a woman. I should be proud to be a part of something that is bigger than I could even imagine. I am swimming in a Lake of swans. Encouraging, incredible, humorous, God-loving/living/breathing Swans. I would like to call those Swans.. my Sisters of Christ.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
How Beautiful HE Really Is...
I look at God like a child looks at: a falling leaf, a trickling stream, a snow flake, being tucked in at night, and even a tear, dripping from the tip of their nose. So beautiful. Perfectly there. Powerful in the small things.
God is Amazing. He gives us direction when our eyes are sealed shut. He gives us light when everything has shut off and shut down. He pushes us to take leaps that we didn't even think Possible. He helps us to grow, and to know that when He is done with us, we're "White as Snow".
It's hard to describe Him to someone that doesn't understand. Hmmmm. He is the strength I never knew I had. He is what takes my guilt and anxiety away. He is my promise for a Life after this one has been lived out for Him. He is like an Eternally Incredible and Metaphorical Santa Claus. Yes. Santa. You never see him but you just know what He looks like in incredible detail. You can just "feel" his jolly spirit in the air and in your heart. (Ya know, Santa's sleigh bells jingle-jangling and that warm fuzzy seasonal feeling?) He is known all over the world. He delivers you what is on your wish list if it is asked for with the right heart- no questions asked, no take backs. He is Gracious in that way. He will bring you that wanted serenity and joy that you've been hoping to receive for years. He'll place your gift of freedom from sin on the place in which you've prepared for him. But this difference between my "Santa" and the Rest of the world's...
Mine is real. He is everywhere. Every musical note played and that has yet to be. Every stunning Sunrise or Sunset that has ever graced this world- or that has yet to come, as they are birthed from or swallowed by breathtaking scenery. Every fallen leaf, or snowflake, ever bit of laughter, tranquility, love, patience, joy, grace, obedience, and every little prayer that touches little lips. In the construction of every physical body- so intricately detailed. Every ounce of good that exists. He is Beautiful. He is my everyday reason for tears of joy. The reason I wake up in the morning.
I am not blessed with much, But I AM blessed with Just Enough. He's seen to it. I've had so many opportunities, and am so different- because He radiates through me.
He chose me sooo long ago to live and serve Him. He gave His son for me. That's Beyond beautiful. I am his Daughter. I will make a difference. Life is NEVER easy or safe. Some say that's why they wear helmets. I say, that's why I wear the personality God has blessed me with. I am beautiful. Only because of Him. I will suffer trials- even harder than others could imagine- because God needs me to grow to better serve Him.
So that I can show others how beautiful He is. So I can bring His joy that I embrace so strongly in my heart. So that life has purpose. So that we can even be better human beings. God is good. He is loving. He is strong. He is gracious. His is always there. He, is beautiful.
God is Amazing. He gives us direction when our eyes are sealed shut. He gives us light when everything has shut off and shut down. He pushes us to take leaps that we didn't even think Possible. He helps us to grow, and to know that when He is done with us, we're "White as Snow".
It's hard to describe Him to someone that doesn't understand. Hmmmm. He is the strength I never knew I had. He is what takes my guilt and anxiety away. He is my promise for a Life after this one has been lived out for Him. He is like an Eternally Incredible and Metaphorical Santa Claus. Yes. Santa. You never see him but you just know what He looks like in incredible detail. You can just "feel" his jolly spirit in the air and in your heart. (Ya know, Santa's sleigh bells jingle-jangling and that warm fuzzy seasonal feeling?) He is known all over the world. He delivers you what is on your wish list if it is asked for with the right heart- no questions asked, no take backs. He is Gracious in that way. He will bring you that wanted serenity and joy that you've been hoping to receive for years. He'll place your gift of freedom from sin on the place in which you've prepared for him. But this difference between my "Santa" and the Rest of the world's...
Mine is real. He is everywhere. Every musical note played and that has yet to be. Every stunning Sunrise or Sunset that has ever graced this world- or that has yet to come, as they are birthed from or swallowed by breathtaking scenery. Every fallen leaf, or snowflake, ever bit of laughter, tranquility, love, patience, joy, grace, obedience, and every little prayer that touches little lips. In the construction of every physical body- so intricately detailed. Every ounce of good that exists. He is Beautiful. He is my everyday reason for tears of joy. The reason I wake up in the morning.
I am not blessed with much, But I AM blessed with Just Enough. He's seen to it. I've had so many opportunities, and am so different- because He radiates through me.
He chose me sooo long ago to live and serve Him. He gave His son for me. That's Beyond beautiful. I am his Daughter. I will make a difference. Life is NEVER easy or safe. Some say that's why they wear helmets. I say, that's why I wear the personality God has blessed me with. I am beautiful. Only because of Him. I will suffer trials- even harder than others could imagine- because God needs me to grow to better serve Him.
So that I can show others how beautiful He is. So I can bring His joy that I embrace so strongly in my heart. So that life has purpose. So that we can even be better human beings. God is good. He is loving. He is strong. He is gracious. His is always there. He, is beautiful.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Oddly Reminiscing Amongst Future Conclusions.
Sometimes, we go on living. Moving. Ahead. Going. Forward. But, there's those random times when we oddly look back- and inspire our own selves all over again. I do this with so many things: Notes I've jotted down during a sermon, information pages I've written about myself when I was dreadfully tired, and even pictures that I've collected and have completely forgotten about.
--I'm going to be honest, and tell you all now, that I truly have a bit of a hoarding problem. And I mean it. I mean, Really. With EVERYTHING. Mainly fashion things. Buttons. Clothes. Clothing tags. Jewelry, Fashion magazines. Music. Pictures. Drawings on papers from, like, the 2nd grade. Receipts. ←THAT's THE HUGE ONE. YEAH. Bigger problem than the Scarves.
Oh, and the up-to-date number on the scarves: 283.
But back to the point, I've kept these things, in thoughts that I might need them one day, or, just thought they were inspiring, and fabulous. But I recently was forced to go through a de-cluttering intervention. THAT's WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR. :)
I threw away receipts from 1998. My friends forced me to, but... I mean, c'mon. Enough said.. WHAT WAS I BUYING IN 1998 THAT WOULD BE SO IMPORTANT TO KEEP RECORD OF?? A $0.25 PACK OF GUM????
But, even though this large number of all of my things were overwhelming, it was all so awe-inspiring as well. Almost all of my life, I have kept to things that clearly point to what I just recently decided I wanted to CONTINUE to do with the rest of my life. Fashion. I knew in 2ND GRADE what I loved more than I realized 2 WEEKS ago.
And all of this reflection made me realize one thing. I will need 0.0000% of this when I'm looking God in the face. I'll need none of it when HE asks me how I used my given talent to sweep the Fashion world by Storm. I have no use for materialistic things- except, they make me neat. Sometimes.
I'll remember the friends that have entered in and out of my life & I will remember how they have inspired me and the rather. I will remember the prayers I have prayed & will know which ones were answered with God's perfect timing. I will remember the things I have read & what from those readings I have shared with others because I wanted to change their lives with that little slice of wisdom as well. I WILL remember information, and words spoken and written, laughter, love, so many sunrises, but will forget so many little things. The way it feels to be young, the reason I wrote in my diary from 5th Grade that I liked a kid named Ian, the way it will feel to hug my parents, or even the way it will feel to smile with MY OWN teeth. God lasts forever, though. Longer than any of US can even imagine. Longer than a Fad, a Style, a Runway Show. Longer than you & I. HE is sooo big, yet we are so small. God is beautiful. I aspire to be like HIS Son more and more everyday... so that I can be neat. All the time.
But, I suppose that's what comes, from oddly reminiscing amongst Future Conclusions...
--I'm going to be honest, and tell you all now, that I truly have a bit of a hoarding problem. And I mean it. I mean, Really. With EVERYTHING. Mainly fashion things. Buttons. Clothes. Clothing tags. Jewelry, Fashion magazines. Music. Pictures. Drawings on papers from, like, the 2nd grade. Receipts. ←THAT's THE HUGE ONE. YEAH. Bigger problem than the Scarves.
Oh, and the up-to-date number on the scarves: 283.
But back to the point, I've kept these things, in thoughts that I might need them one day, or, just thought they were inspiring, and fabulous. But I recently was forced to go through a de-cluttering intervention. THAT's WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR. :)
I threw away receipts from 1998. My friends forced me to, but... I mean, c'mon. Enough said.. WHAT WAS I BUYING IN 1998 THAT WOULD BE SO IMPORTANT TO KEEP RECORD OF?? A $0.25 PACK OF GUM????
But, even though this large number of all of my things were overwhelming, it was all so awe-inspiring as well. Almost all of my life, I have kept to things that clearly point to what I just recently decided I wanted to CONTINUE to do with the rest of my life. Fashion. I knew in 2ND GRADE what I loved more than I realized 2 WEEKS ago.
And all of this reflection made me realize one thing. I will need 0.0000% of this when I'm looking God in the face. I'll need none of it when HE asks me how I used my given talent to sweep the Fashion world by Storm. I have no use for materialistic things- except, they make me neat. Sometimes.
I'll remember the friends that have entered in and out of my life & I will remember how they have inspired me and the rather. I will remember the prayers I have prayed & will know which ones were answered with God's perfect timing. I will remember the things I have read & what from those readings I have shared with others because I wanted to change their lives with that little slice of wisdom as well. I WILL remember information, and words spoken and written, laughter, love, so many sunrises, but will forget so many little things. The way it feels to be young, the reason I wrote in my diary from 5th Grade that I liked a kid named Ian, the way it will feel to hug my parents, or even the way it will feel to smile with MY OWN teeth. God lasts forever, though. Longer than any of US can even imagine. Longer than a Fad, a Style, a Runway Show. Longer than you & I. HE is sooo big, yet we are so small. God is beautiful. I aspire to be like HIS Son more and more everyday... so that I can be neat. All the time.
But, I suppose that's what comes, from oddly reminiscing amongst Future Conclusions...
Blessed with a Fashionable Fresh Start. ♥
Along with a New Year, was welcomed in so many new things... Not only new Scarves, but a new appetite, new classes, a new way of organization, and a new found appreciation for singleness. But, as always, along with new- comes old. New found friendships with old friends, new found styles in old clothes, and a new found love in an old smile.
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