♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
A West Virginia Christmas: 2011
The looming mist rolls in amongst the cracks and crevices of the happy valley; the sun reflects off the slow trickling stream. The West Virginia hills pour out in a never ending gush of braided land- weaving and tossing, with only a few leaves hanging on with the last breath of fall to what was once an eyefull of color, but now- only sparce, sickly twigs.
The promise of snow is only a rumor but the nights are still silent; clear with what should be unique snowflakes making rest on the sloppy mudmess of ground. Joy rings in with only quick glimpses of sunlight as smiles peek onto the faces of you and I.
Families gather and come home. Gift exchanging only echos what should be the Spirit of the holiday- grace and giving- but is lost in translation..
Families gather and come home. Gift exchanging only echos what should be the Spirit of the holiday- grace and giving- but is lost in translation..
God joined us on a Silent night. He stepped off His throne and joined time. He grew as a man, and died for this world. How unworthy are we? What a gracious servant! How great such a thing? Born of a virgin, in a manger- a small, healthy, glorius wee child. Our Savior! Papa God, your mind truly is beyond our own. You are an AMAZING God.
We celebrate this holiday to be reminded of this- His sacrifice, beauty, and grace. His entering into this world- our time. His adventure on earth for us..
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Spotlight: The Pride.
All week, you’ve heard about how you’re now apart of something.
Well- there’s no turning back- because you are.
You’re a part of something bigger than you could imagine.
Bigger than self. Even bigger than Bill Nevin’s voice: “www", "Chriiiiiiistopher Nichter", & "And now, from the College of Creative Arts..”
You’re a part of something that can really get your blood pumping. Even if it is at the tempo of 220 beats per minute, or faster, depending on how the drumline is feeling that day..
You get to now wear the uniform that stands for Mountaineer Pride. That thing will be hot when it’s hot, cold when it’s cold, and wet when it’s wet- but it means Pride.
You get to have more field time than some of the football players. Soak in every second you get on that field. Embrace every turf turd that falls into your shoes and makes its home there; every time you get to march on the WV; every time you get to watch the Mountaineer shoot his musket right in front of you; every time the football team runs by and get's pumped because of this Band.
You get to travel, and make some of the fondest memories that you’ll ever have. You won’t have any fun on the buses, though. Nope. No fun at all. Staff sees to that. But, the miles you’ll put on. The fans that WILL break rank- no matter How many times a tub,a trombone, or scared little twirler says they can’t, the crazies that run onto a Marshall field and turn the game around, the rain, so much rain, and the respect from the unexpected- the other teams fans. They will see our Pride. They recognize it. And they know that we have more of it than them.
You’re a part of something that only so few get to experience. You’ve got the upper hand. You get to stand on the inside of the circles, and watch outwardly. You get to see the crowd rise and cheer when you slip into the state formation. You get to march with a famous Drumline. Meet them. They're great people. Crazier. But great.
The family you’ll have while you’re here, and when you leave. It’s probably going to be about ten times the size of the one you have right now. Take that from a socializing Pro. Your best friends WILL come out of this band. You think that you’re weird, or unique. There’s at least one more of someone so much like you in this room. Find them by the end of your four years with this band. I dare you. You will, and you might end up being a part of their life for the rest of yours. If you can sort through the faces, that is. You’ll see a new one everyday.
The feeling of performance. Trust me, you’re going to have to pee- that very first time you sprint onto that field, avoiding falling tubas, trumpets, piccolos, avoiding in-your-face-during-College-Game-Day-cameramen, and cords. Watch out for the cords. And grab your cape. One, two, ready, Go. The amount of gold, and the lack of breath is beautiful.
Nothing beats that feeling. Performing with the Pride. It makes everything worth it. Sacrifice, time, sickness, dehydration, the weather, sweat, tears. Everything. After the first few times you do it, the appeal kinda wears off. But when it’s for the last time- it begins to mean something. Every performance isn’t half effort. Even the Demo shows become more of an honor than a task. Every time you sing the Alma Mater, it begins to sink in- what you’re singing for. Whether you have to start it over three times in a row because you aren’t properly articulating Wes”t”, or whether it’s your last time singing it in the Mountaineer Stadium embraced arm in arm with your best friends after swaying and crying all the way through Country Roads. Almost Heaven, indeedy.
Whether you end up a statistic of this band, a story, or a staple- you’ve entered into a new musical realm. One that can hardly be explained by words- but easily by experience. Take what you have been given, as a simple gift. Proudly take it, and make it all that you can- Whether it’s your first, fourth, or 30th... &, um, Welcome, to the Pride of WV.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
You get to travel, and make some of the fondest memories that you’ll ever have. You won’t have any fun on the buses, though. Nope. No fun at all. Staff sees to that. But, the miles you’ll put on. The fans that WILL break rank- no matter How many times a tub,a trombone, or scared little twirler says they can’t, the crazies that run onto a Marshall field and turn the game around, the rain, so much rain, and the respect from the unexpected- the other teams fans. They will see our Pride. They recognize it. And they know that we have more of it than them.
You’re a part of something that only so few get to experience. You’ve got the upper hand. You get to stand on the inside of the circles, and watch outwardly. You get to see the crowd rise and cheer when you slip into the state formation. You get to march with a famous Drumline. Meet them. They're great people. Crazier. But great.
The family you’ll have while you’re here, and when you leave. It’s probably going to be about ten times the size of the one you have right now. Take that from a socializing Pro. Your best friends WILL come out of this band. You think that you’re weird, or unique. There’s at least one more of someone so much like you in this room. Find them by the end of your four years with this band. I dare you. You will, and you might end up being a part of their life for the rest of yours. If you can sort through the faces, that is. You’ll see a new one everyday.
The feeling of performance. Trust me, you’re going to have to pee- that very first time you sprint onto that field, avoiding falling tubas, trumpets, piccolos, avoiding in-your-face-during-College-Game-Day-cameramen, and cords. Watch out for the cords. And grab your cape. One, two, ready, Go. The amount of gold, and the lack of breath is beautiful.
Nothing beats that feeling. Performing with the Pride. It makes everything worth it. Sacrifice, time, sickness, dehydration, the weather, sweat, tears. Everything. After the first few times you do it, the appeal kinda wears off. But when it’s for the last time- it begins to mean something. Every performance isn’t half effort. Even the Demo shows become more of an honor than a task. Every time you sing the Alma Mater, it begins to sink in- what you’re singing for. Whether you have to start it over three times in a row because you aren’t properly articulating Wes”t”, or whether it’s your last time singing it in the Mountaineer Stadium embraced arm in arm with your best friends after swaying and crying all the way through Country Roads. Almost Heaven, indeedy.
Whether you end up a statistic of this band, a story, or a staple- you’ve entered into a new musical realm. One that can hardly be explained by words- but easily by experience. Take what you have been given, as a simple gift. Proudly take it, and make it all that you can- Whether it’s your first, fourth, or 30th... &, um, Welcome, to the Pride of WV.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Thought Processes...
It's interesting, how every single person, sees they're own view of the world. How many people are on Earth today? -7 Billion, or something? Yeah. Crazy awesome. But God has made us to do so. He has given us the past, the elements, the environment, the potential. Every single one of us. But one of the most interesting things, is that God has also been re-created almost as many times as there are humans, as well. Because we are all different, we all think of God differently.
But God Is. He created us. We can't create Him. We can seek Him. The more we seek Him with our hearts, the more we will find Him. He's always been there. Waiting for us to take whatever it is that He's offering us with an open hand. Grace? Joy? Peace? It's there.
So many try to create God- without studying Him, and learning about Him, and without seeking Him and His truth. How is that even acceptable? We can't just squint our eyes and see the bad. ..The suffering, the pain, the hypocrisy. We can't do that. Why are so many people willing to see the bad, without the good? How is that fair to the God that gave us EVERYTHING He had to offer? How is that fair when He has created us this world to prepare ourselves for eternity with Him through enjoyment, beauty, nature, song of worship, fellowship, and truth? How blind are we?
As a young human, I'm aware that I was born into a culture that is so accepting of almost anything and everything taboo. And it's so hard for older generations to understand why we are so accepting and open minded about it. It's because we have been blinded. We are consumed into a media-saturated society that it makes everything unusual- accepted, and makes "the ideal look" something that is so unobtainable and filthy.
It's hard for me to grasp the concept that so many people think that there isn't even a God. They believe that we just "are" and we live- life sucks- and then we die. Whoo-hoo. Yups. That'll help me get up every morning. That's the kind of attitude that'll make the world a better place. That'll promote joy and peace and enjoyment. It'll definately motivate me to live life to the fullest for nothing. Whoo......hoo. It's sad, really.
Maybe people seek God for some peace of mind. Yes. Is that a Terrible thing? Is it odd that people know where to go to find relief from this world and worldly things? Why is that thought an awful thing? Yes. God is peace, and light, and love- but there's hard things in the mix too. Life as a Christian isn't all sugar cookies, and rainbows. Ask anyone that lives their life to glorify God. It's hard. Then it gets harder. But man, is it SO worth it!!!
The group of people that I grew up around and continue to seek worldly fellowship with- they judge me so harshly. Looks are beyond important to them. If you don't listen to the right kind of music and aren't the right kind of person- they don't accept you. I mean, a lot of the group accepts me still- but I don't even want to know what they say about me when I leave a room. I certainly don't command earthly popularity or anything even remotely close to it. They all openly see me as odd, though.. They laugh at me and question me when I wake up in a joyful mood, when I'm loud and friendly, or when I stop to take in how beautiful the sky is. Or when I want to run in the rain, or not pick up any of their addictive habits.
But nor do I care. I am steadfast and strong- but that is how God raised me. That's how He makes me process the world. He has blessed me with the attention, appreciation, and time to slow down and enjoy the little things hidden within Him. When I am 77 years old and finally admit to myself that I am aging after all these years- I won't, at all, look back and regret NOT taking the time to enjoy life. Love. Joy. Song. Laughter. Friendship. Nature. The sky. Family. My youth. My health. An ever-growing relationship with Our God.
Think God.
But God Is. He created us. We can't create Him. We can seek Him. The more we seek Him with our hearts, the more we will find Him. He's always been there. Waiting for us to take whatever it is that He's offering us with an open hand. Grace? Joy? Peace? It's there.
So many try to create God- without studying Him, and learning about Him, and without seeking Him and His truth. How is that even acceptable? We can't just squint our eyes and see the bad. ..The suffering, the pain, the hypocrisy. We can't do that. Why are so many people willing to see the bad, without the good? How is that fair to the God that gave us EVERYTHING He had to offer? How is that fair when He has created us this world to prepare ourselves for eternity with Him through enjoyment, beauty, nature, song of worship, fellowship, and truth? How blind are we?
As a young human, I'm aware that I was born into a culture that is so accepting of almost anything and everything taboo. And it's so hard for older generations to understand why we are so accepting and open minded about it. It's because we have been blinded. We are consumed into a media-saturated society that it makes everything unusual- accepted, and makes "the ideal look" something that is so unobtainable and filthy.
It's hard for me to grasp the concept that so many people think that there isn't even a God. They believe that we just "are" and we live- life sucks- and then we die. Whoo-hoo. Yups. That'll help me get up every morning. That's the kind of attitude that'll make the world a better place. That'll promote joy and peace and enjoyment. It'll definately motivate me to live life to the fullest for nothing. Whoo......hoo. It's sad, really.
Maybe people seek God for some peace of mind. Yes. Is that a Terrible thing? Is it odd that people know where to go to find relief from this world and worldly things? Why is that thought an awful thing? Yes. God is peace, and light, and love- but there's hard things in the mix too. Life as a Christian isn't all sugar cookies, and rainbows. Ask anyone that lives their life to glorify God. It's hard. Then it gets harder. But man, is it SO worth it!!!
The group of people that I grew up around and continue to seek worldly fellowship with- they judge me so harshly. Looks are beyond important to them. If you don't listen to the right kind of music and aren't the right kind of person- they don't accept you. I mean, a lot of the group accepts me still- but I don't even want to know what they say about me when I leave a room. I certainly don't command earthly popularity or anything even remotely close to it. They all openly see me as odd, though.. They laugh at me and question me when I wake up in a joyful mood, when I'm loud and friendly, or when I stop to take in how beautiful the sky is. Or when I want to run in the rain, or not pick up any of their addictive habits.
But nor do I care. I am steadfast and strong- but that is how God raised me. That's how He makes me process the world. He has blessed me with the attention, appreciation, and time to slow down and enjoy the little things hidden within Him. When I am 77 years old and finally admit to myself that I am aging after all these years- I won't, at all, look back and regret NOT taking the time to enjoy life. Love. Joy. Song. Laughter. Friendship. Nature. The sky. Family. My youth. My health. An ever-growing relationship with Our God.
Think God.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Inspiration.
It's funny, how when we are just living life- our favorites find us and inspire us..
Songs, smells, flowers, tastes, times of the day, days of the week, months of the year, outfits, Bible verses, people, meals, destinations, jokes, comedians, causes, classes, careers, ourselves.
I turn two decades old tomorrow. It, will be a tough day. It will be the first birthday I have spent apart from my Twin Brother. It will be a day of traveling and reflecting; it will be a day to look back and see how much has changed just since birth, or even just this year. It will be a time to dwell in my favorite things, and embrace them- just wrap myself in the memories like one would with a large, thick, fuzzy blanket on a cold, blustery, winter's day..
One of things that I will reflect on tomorrow during the celebration of my day of birth, will be how my favorites found me. Just recently, I figured out my favorite flower. Seemingly silly, I know. But it came to me in the most out of place moment. ..A few months ago, at a Woman's Bible Study, I was asked what my favorite flower was. I drew a blank. What an awful girl am I- to not even know what my favorite flower was. I suppose this is a subject one should wallow about on as a young child, and I had no idea. I muttered, "dead roses." True- I am more than taken aback when surrounded by flowers that have outgrown their soft, plump, youthfulness, but I hadn't even convinced myself of this when this was quickly spoken. As we went around the room- the answers to his question continued getting more detailed as this particular question was quietly posed. Girls new down to the type- color- scent. Sheesh. How are these women so sure of things that are their favorite. How had this come to them? Did the flowers choose them? When did these women come into contact with their flower choice? Through smell? Sight? An image? Contact? A gift? Had I missed a day of elementary school where every girl there that day when to a green house and decided? ( I mean- I'm pretty sure I missed several of those Girl day lessons- like how to put on make-up, how to quickly shave one's legs, how to flirt, lessons on sleepovers, nails, and jumping.)
Anyway, this quick discussion truly set me into a whirlwind of reflection. My favorites? Why do the things that appeal to me- appeal to me? What inside, draws me to my interests? What draws others to theirs? God is so interesting. Creating humans to be so different and all. Every single one of us..
I was given an eclectic handful of dying roses, from my Beautiful Best- Madalyn. I hung them upside down to dry by attaching them with a hair-band to my doorknob. Days passed, and I continuously brushed by and bumped into them. I finally slowed down enough to find the time to move them to another doorknob. I turned the once rainbowful bouquet, upside down to check their progress- and my heart sank. Truly sank. I, fell in love with dead yellow roses at that very moment. So crisp. The deep color of lush honey-mustard, mixed with the color one of my favorite yellowish Pashminas. Passion. I stared into this single dead little rose. It- in it's simplicity- was so beautiful.
Is that how my other favorites had found me? When I tasted my favorite foods or desserts, did my mind and heart unknowingly sink into a mindless state of passion. Did my blood rush a little faster that any other bite of anything else that had came across my taste-buds? My favorite song- did I mindlessly put it on repeat and listen to it over and over- picking it apart- verse by verse, word for word, chord by chord, note by note- because of my interest in it?
What designates things as favorites? Or least favorites? And how fascinating, that almost everything in the world inspires us differently? Every little thing.
This evening, Madalyn and I took a wowerful stroll in the park with some Tiramisu ice cream and some very large spoons. We talked about beauty. And wisdom. And inspiration. What a wonderful birthday present. We discussed a quote. "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mmmmmm. Gandhi truly was an inspirational human being. How simplistic and lovely this is. I preached to her about how I wish to be seen as a person that has lived like this. A person that has taken to this world- and has seen it through the eyes of beauty that God wishes us to see it.
I see the details in leaves as God taking the time to show us He cares about detail. I see the sky as God showing off- because He can. I see fall as God painting the mountains and showing us his artistic side. I see each day that He wakes me up- as an opportunity to change the world and make it more like the way He wishes it to be.
She is one of my favorite humans. Being able to be so real with another person. Being able to cry in-font of, with, and for. Being able to have an entire conversation in sound effects. Being able to gain so much strength from and give so much strength to. Being able to sacrifice so much for one person. Being able to pray for, and with, and not afraid of the words that God breathes through those prayers. When I see her- I know she is one of my favorites. She makes me feel at home, and comfortable. She makes me want to hug her and call her sister. She makes me so sure of the fact that she will be one of the few humans in my life that will stay in my life until old age.
Tomorrow, on my Birthday, I will also reflect upon other things that have made me the person God has inspired me to be- with the things He has provided around me, as well as wonder how much my "favorites" will change the more I have the opportunity to experience this world. I will wonder how much I will change- or how much I will inspire myself in the future. Every time I look through pictures that I have collected, or Blog entries that I have written. Every time I think about the friends that I have made, or the opportunities I have experienced. Every time I seek through my mind to find memories I am fond of.. I will inspire myself all over again.
...Happy Birthday to me. Happy Two Decades. This will not be just another day. It will be a celebration of what has, does, and will inspire me to be, ...Ainslee.
Songs, smells, flowers, tastes, times of the day, days of the week, months of the year, outfits, Bible verses, people, meals, destinations, jokes, comedians, causes, classes, careers, ourselves.
I turn two decades old tomorrow. It, will be a tough day. It will be the first birthday I have spent apart from my Twin Brother. It will be a day of traveling and reflecting; it will be a day to look back and see how much has changed just since birth, or even just this year. It will be a time to dwell in my favorite things, and embrace them- just wrap myself in the memories like one would with a large, thick, fuzzy blanket on a cold, blustery, winter's day..
One of things that I will reflect on tomorrow during the celebration of my day of birth, will be how my favorites found me. Just recently, I figured out my favorite flower. Seemingly silly, I know. But it came to me in the most out of place moment. ..A few months ago, at a Woman's Bible Study, I was asked what my favorite flower was. I drew a blank. What an awful girl am I- to not even know what my favorite flower was. I suppose this is a subject one should wallow about on as a young child, and I had no idea. I muttered, "dead roses." True- I am more than taken aback when surrounded by flowers that have outgrown their soft, plump, youthfulness, but I hadn't even convinced myself of this when this was quickly spoken. As we went around the room- the answers to his question continued getting more detailed as this particular question was quietly posed. Girls new down to the type- color- scent. Sheesh. How are these women so sure of things that are their favorite. How had this come to them? Did the flowers choose them? When did these women come into contact with their flower choice? Through smell? Sight? An image? Contact? A gift? Had I missed a day of elementary school where every girl there that day when to a green house and decided? ( I mean- I'm pretty sure I missed several of those Girl day lessons- like how to put on make-up, how to quickly shave one's legs, how to flirt, lessons on sleepovers, nails, and jumping.)
Anyway, this quick discussion truly set me into a whirlwind of reflection. My favorites? Why do the things that appeal to me- appeal to me? What inside, draws me to my interests? What draws others to theirs? God is so interesting. Creating humans to be so different and all. Every single one of us..
I was given an eclectic handful of dying roses, from my Beautiful Best- Madalyn. I hung them upside down to dry by attaching them with a hair-band to my doorknob. Days passed, and I continuously brushed by and bumped into them. I finally slowed down enough to find the time to move them to another doorknob. I turned the once rainbowful bouquet, upside down to check their progress- and my heart sank. Truly sank. I, fell in love with dead yellow roses at that very moment. So crisp. The deep color of lush honey-mustard, mixed with the color one of my favorite yellowish Pashminas. Passion. I stared into this single dead little rose. It- in it's simplicity- was so beautiful.
Is that how my other favorites had found me? When I tasted my favorite foods or desserts, did my mind and heart unknowingly sink into a mindless state of passion. Did my blood rush a little faster that any other bite of anything else that had came across my taste-buds? My favorite song- did I mindlessly put it on repeat and listen to it over and over- picking it apart- verse by verse, word for word, chord by chord, note by note- because of my interest in it?
What designates things as favorites? Or least favorites? And how fascinating, that almost everything in the world inspires us differently? Every little thing.
This evening, Madalyn and I took a wowerful stroll in the park with some Tiramisu ice cream and some very large spoons. We talked about beauty. And wisdom. And inspiration. What a wonderful birthday present. We discussed a quote. "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mmmmmm. Gandhi truly was an inspirational human being. How simplistic and lovely this is. I preached to her about how I wish to be seen as a person that has lived like this. A person that has taken to this world- and has seen it through the eyes of beauty that God wishes us to see it.
I see the details in leaves as God taking the time to show us He cares about detail. I see the sky as God showing off- because He can. I see fall as God painting the mountains and showing us his artistic side. I see each day that He wakes me up- as an opportunity to change the world and make it more like the way He wishes it to be.
She is one of my favorite humans. Being able to be so real with another person. Being able to cry in-font of, with, and for. Being able to have an entire conversation in sound effects. Being able to gain so much strength from and give so much strength to. Being able to sacrifice so much for one person. Being able to pray for, and with, and not afraid of the words that God breathes through those prayers. When I see her- I know she is one of my favorites. She makes me feel at home, and comfortable. She makes me want to hug her and call her sister. She makes me so sure of the fact that she will be one of the few humans in my life that will stay in my life until old age.
Tomorrow, on my Birthday, I will also reflect upon other things that have made me the person God has inspired me to be- with the things He has provided around me, as well as wonder how much my "favorites" will change the more I have the opportunity to experience this world. I will wonder how much I will change- or how much I will inspire myself in the future. Every time I look through pictures that I have collected, or Blog entries that I have written. Every time I think about the friends that I have made, or the opportunities I have experienced. Every time I seek through my mind to find memories I am fond of.. I will inspire myself all over again.
...Happy Birthday to me. Happy Two Decades. This will not be just another day. It will be a celebration of what has, does, and will inspire me to be, ...Ainslee.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Mid-afternoon cravings..
I crave to be more free spirited, yet more responsible.
I crave to be more gentle, yet more bold.
I crave to be more physically fit, yet have a freer schedule.
I crave to be more beautiful, yet try less.
I crave to be more adventurous, yet study harder.
I crave to be more wise, yet stay young.
I crave to be more fashionable, yet keep a budget.
I crave to finish a book, yet I fall asleep while reading.
I crave to change the world, yet live in nature.
I crave to keep a social life, yet spread my self thicker.
I crave for more people to know the real me, yet I continue to perform.
I crave to keep old friendships alive, yet constantly meet new people.
I crave to be more spontaneous, yet more mature.
I crave to be more elegant, yet I walk around with bruises.
I crave to live a life for God, and, there is nothing's stopping me..
I crave to be more gentle, yet more bold.
I crave to be more physically fit, yet have a freer schedule.
I crave to be more beautiful, yet try less.
I crave to be more adventurous, yet study harder.
I crave to be more wise, yet stay young.
I crave to be more fashionable, yet keep a budget.
I crave to finish a book, yet I fall asleep while reading.
I crave to change the world, yet live in nature.
I crave to keep a social life, yet spread my self thicker.
I crave for more people to know the real me, yet I continue to perform.
I crave to keep old friendships alive, yet constantly meet new people.
I crave to be more spontaneous, yet more mature.
I crave to be more elegant, yet I walk around with bruises.
I crave to live a life for God, and, there is nothing's stopping me..
Friday, May 13, 2011
Page 28.
Often times, when we're being silly, God just sits back- and giggles at us. He knows that He's making all efforts on His part to show us what it is that He wants from us. He is always trying to redirect us to focus on Him, know He's ALWAYS there whether we need Him or not, and that He- is beautiful. There He is. Sitting on His throne- giggling.
When we see those itty bitty little glances of Him, we not only experience those, "Duh" moments, but we giggle right along side with Him.
I have experienced more little "Duh" moments in the past few months than I have acquired throughout my entire lifetime.
Duh's about life, and love, and wisdom, wrath and beauty; His character, and what He truly sees and expects from me... God, really is, My FAVORITE Comedian.
Right now, I'm gonna be super open, and pour out a tad bit of my personal life.. I am a struggling Christian female. ..."Duh."
I am a man-girl. I enjoy dirt, and adventures, and nature, and doing things that scare me. I love being weird, loud, and goofy, and I'm the clumsiest human that I know. I am also a girl- that hated other girls- until a few months ago. God slapped femininity in my face. He did it, through the workings of a Women's Retreat. Instead of seeing annoying manipulative girls that are over obsessed with blaming their problems on the media- I saw girls, passionate for God. When I met these women, I saw stunning figures. All of them, unique and happy. But, little did I know, my mind would be blown, and these unique, happy girls, would transform through my eyes into radiant, gentle, beautiful, darlings. Not because of who they are- but because of who He is. God shoved me off of my cliff, into the mind set- that I am an idiot for looking in the mirror every morning and seeing failure and unworthiness in myself, and putting that off onto feelings that I feel for other women.
The hardest thing I struggle with. ..The mirror.
It tells me I am too fat to ever find true love. It tells me I have tired eyes. It tells me I am lazy. It tells me I have a crazy messy white girl fro every morning I wake up. It tells me that my Scarves are safe to hide behind. It tells me that people shouldn't want to spend time with me, because my features are unflattering.
...Funny that the mirror only goes less than skin deep. .."Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly." 1 Corinthians 13:12.
I think, that over the next few weeks, I'm going to be falling head over heels- with someone that speaks the pure words that could have inspired Solomon. With someone that constructed a universe of awe-inspiring miracles. With someone that sees me as perfect, and beautiful; flawless and lovely. With someone that puts light and love into my eyes. With someone that gives me energy when I am weak. With someone that calms my storms- no matter how big or small. With someone that sees me for everything I am, and loves me the same; the same one that gives me the passion to express myself to glorify Him. With someone that blesses me with family and friends; brothers and sisters; teachers and disciples- that want to fellowship with me- and share my ideas, and grow from what I have to say, and that will reciprocate so that I can grow in the wisdom the Holy Spirit provides. I will be falling head over heels, for Jesus Christ.
I know for some people- that last sentence there, seems really annoying, and cliche, and- I'm not gonna lie- never before would I have imagined myself as a "one of those Christian people".. But for some people, that last sentence- is the life of hundreds of thousands of people- all of whom where seen as pure, and lovely, too.
I am inspired to write today, because of a Leslie Ludy book that I just began reading. "Set-Apart Femininity. With ever page I read, the tears continue to fall. I weep while reading this book, because this is what God is using to slap me in the face- for now. I can't even imagine what the rest of the book holds in store for me- but I know, that by the end of this book- I will at least have a clearer vision of the female that God wants me to be so badly. The feminine half of Him. The female that God will prepare for a lifetime of devoted service to Him. I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR GOD. And this book is written beautifully to begin to prepare me.
"...Only one question remains. Are we willing to lay down everything else and take up His set-apart commission? God's sacred intent for us goes far beyond just saving sex until marriage, wearing one-piece swimsuits instead of skimpy string bikini, or idolizing Christian bands instead of secular ones. It is not just making sure we tack on some Christian morality to our self-indulgent lives. His sacred intent for you and for me is nothing short of absolute abandonment to Jesus Christ, entire separation from the pollution of the world, and ardent worship of our King with every breath we take. Yes, it's a huge vision- one that is contrary to everything our culture represents. In our modern world, we as young women seem to be presented with only two options for our femininity- we can either embrace the sensual, sexed-up version of womanhood glorified by pop culture, or we can go the opposite direction and trade in perfume and makeup for grit, grunge, and guy-like behavior. But both sides of these options cause us to completely miss out on the glorious pattern God designed for our femininity. We were created to shine with heavenly beauty, to radiate with Christlike feminine loveliness, and to sparkle with the lily-white purity of our Prince. We were created to be set apart for Him. ...the good news is- you don't have to achieve it on your own."
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
When we see those itty bitty little glances of Him, we not only experience those, "Duh" moments, but we giggle right along side with Him.
I have experienced more little "Duh" moments in the past few months than I have acquired throughout my entire lifetime.
Duh's about life, and love, and wisdom, wrath and beauty; His character, and what He truly sees and expects from me... God, really is, My FAVORITE Comedian.
Right now, I'm gonna be super open, and pour out a tad bit of my personal life.. I am a struggling Christian female. ..."Duh."
I am a man-girl. I enjoy dirt, and adventures, and nature, and doing things that scare me. I love being weird, loud, and goofy, and I'm the clumsiest human that I know. I am also a girl- that hated other girls- until a few months ago. God slapped femininity in my face. He did it, through the workings of a Women's Retreat. Instead of seeing annoying manipulative girls that are over obsessed with blaming their problems on the media- I saw girls, passionate for God. When I met these women, I saw stunning figures. All of them, unique and happy. But, little did I know, my mind would be blown, and these unique, happy girls, would transform through my eyes into radiant, gentle, beautiful, darlings. Not because of who they are- but because of who He is. God shoved me off of my cliff, into the mind set- that I am an idiot for looking in the mirror every morning and seeing failure and unworthiness in myself, and putting that off onto feelings that I feel for other women.
The hardest thing I struggle with. ..The mirror.
It tells me I am too fat to ever find true love. It tells me I have tired eyes. It tells me I am lazy. It tells me I have a crazy messy white girl fro every morning I wake up. It tells me that my Scarves are safe to hide behind. It tells me that people shouldn't want to spend time with me, because my features are unflattering.
...Funny that the mirror only goes less than skin deep. .."Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly." 1 Corinthians 13:12.
I think, that over the next few weeks, I'm going to be falling head over heels- with someone that speaks the pure words that could have inspired Solomon. With someone that constructed a universe of awe-inspiring miracles. With someone that sees me as perfect, and beautiful; flawless and lovely. With someone that puts light and love into my eyes. With someone that gives me energy when I am weak. With someone that calms my storms- no matter how big or small. With someone that sees me for everything I am, and loves me the same; the same one that gives me the passion to express myself to glorify Him. With someone that blesses me with family and friends; brothers and sisters; teachers and disciples- that want to fellowship with me- and share my ideas, and grow from what I have to say, and that will reciprocate so that I can grow in the wisdom the Holy Spirit provides. I will be falling head over heels, for Jesus Christ.
I know for some people- that last sentence there, seems really annoying, and cliche, and- I'm not gonna lie- never before would I have imagined myself as a "one of those Christian people".. But for some people, that last sentence- is the life of hundreds of thousands of people- all of whom where seen as pure, and lovely, too.
I am inspired to write today, because of a Leslie Ludy book that I just began reading. "Set-Apart Femininity. With ever page I read, the tears continue to fall. I weep while reading this book, because this is what God is using to slap me in the face- for now. I can't even imagine what the rest of the book holds in store for me- but I know, that by the end of this book- I will at least have a clearer vision of the female that God wants me to be so badly. The feminine half of Him. The female that God will prepare for a lifetime of devoted service to Him. I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR GOD. And this book is written beautifully to begin to prepare me.
"...Only one question remains. Are we willing to lay down everything else and take up His set-apart commission? God's sacred intent for us goes far beyond just saving sex until marriage, wearing one-piece swimsuits instead of skimpy string bikini, or idolizing Christian bands instead of secular ones. It is not just making sure we tack on some Christian morality to our self-indulgent lives. His sacred intent for you and for me is nothing short of absolute abandonment to Jesus Christ, entire separation from the pollution of the world, and ardent worship of our King with every breath we take. Yes, it's a huge vision- one that is contrary to everything our culture represents. In our modern world, we as young women seem to be presented with only two options for our femininity- we can either embrace the sensual, sexed-up version of womanhood glorified by pop culture, or we can go the opposite direction and trade in perfume and makeup for grit, grunge, and guy-like behavior. But both sides of these options cause us to completely miss out on the glorious pattern God designed for our femininity. We were created to shine with heavenly beauty, to radiate with Christlike feminine loveliness, and to sparkle with the lily-white purity of our Prince. We were created to be set apart for Him. ...the good news is- you don't have to achieve it on your own."
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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