Inspiration.

     It's funny, how when we are just living life- our favorites find us and inspire us..
Songs, smells, flowers, tastes, times of the day, days of the week, months of the year, outfits, Bible verses, people, meals, destinations, jokes, comedians, causes, classes, careers, ourselves.
     I turn two decades old tomorrow.  It, will be a tough day.  It will be the first birthday I have spent apart from my Twin Brother. It will be a day of traveling and reflecting; it will be a day to look back and see how much has changed just since birth, or even just this year.  It will be a time to dwell in my favorite things, and embrace them- just wrap myself in the memories like one would with a large, thick, fuzzy blanket on a cold, blustery, winter's day.. 
     One of things that I will reflect on tomorrow during the celebration of my day of birth, will be how my favorites found me.  Just recently, I figured out my favorite flower.  Seemingly silly, I know. But it came to me in the most out of place moment.  ..A few months ago, at a Woman's Bible Study, I was asked what my favorite flower was.  I drew a blank. What an awful girl am I- to not even know what my favorite flower was. I suppose this is a subject one should wallow about on as a young child, and I had no idea.  I muttered, "dead roses." True- I am more than taken aback when surrounded by flowers that have outgrown their soft, plump, youthfulness, but I hadn't even convinced myself of this when this was quickly spoken.  As we went around the room- the answers to his question continued getting more detailed as this particular question was quietly posed. Girls new down to the type- color- scent.  Sheesh. How are these women so sure of things that are their favorite. How had this come to them?  Did the flowers choose them? When did these women come into contact with their flower choice? Through smell?  Sight? An image? Contact?  A gift?  Had I missed a day of elementary school where every girl there that day when to a green house and decided?  ( I mean- I'm pretty sure I missed several of those Girl day lessons- like how to put on make-up, how to quickly shave one's legs, how to flirt, lessons on sleepovers, nails, and jumping.)
     Anyway, this quick discussion truly set me into a whirlwind of reflection. My favorites?  Why do the things that appeal to me- appeal to me?  What inside, draws me to my interests?  What draws others to theirs? God is so interesting. Creating humans to be so different and all. Every single one of us..
     I was given an eclectic handful of dying roses, from my Beautiful Best- Madalyn.  I hung them upside down to dry by attaching them with a hair-band to my doorknob. Days passed, and I continuously brushed by and bumped into them.  I finally slowed down enough to find the time to move them to another doorknob. I turned the once rainbowful bouquet, upside down to check their progress- and my heart sank. Truly sank.  I, fell in love with dead yellow roses at that very moment.  So crisp. The deep color of lush honey-mustard, mixed with the color one of my favorite yellowish Pashminas.  Passion. I stared into this single dead little rose. It- in it's simplicity- was so beautiful.
     Is that how my other favorites had found me?  When I tasted my favorite foods or desserts, did my mind and heart unknowingly sink into a mindless state of passion. Did my blood rush a little faster that any other bite of anything else that had came across my taste-buds? My favorite song- did I mindlessly put it on repeat and listen to it over and over- picking it apart- verse by verse, word for word, chord by chord, note by note- because of my interest in it?
     What designates things as favorites?  Or least favorites?  And how fascinating, that almost everything in the world inspires us differently? Every little thing. 
     This evening, Madalyn and I took a wowerful stroll in the park with some Tiramisu ice cream and some very large spoons.  We talked about beauty. And wisdom. And inspiration.  What a wonderful birthday present.  We discussed a quote.  "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mmmmmm. Gandhi truly was an inspirational human being. How simplistic and lovely this is.  I preached to her about how I wish to be seen as a person that has lived like this.  A person that has taken to this world- and has seen it through the eyes of beauty that God wishes us to see it.
     I see the details in leaves as God taking the time to show us He cares about detail. I see the sky as God showing off- because He can. I see fall as God painting the mountains and showing us his artistic side. I see each day that He wakes me up- as an opportunity to change the world and make it more like the way He wishes it to be. 
     She is one of my favorite humans. Being able to be so real with another person. Being able to cry in-font of, with, and for. Being able to have an entire conversation in sound effects. Being able to gain so much strength from and give so much strength to. Being able to sacrifice so much for one person. Being able to pray for, and with, and not afraid of the words that God breathes through those prayers. When I see her- I know she is one of my favorites. She makes me feel at home, and comfortable. She makes me want to hug her and call her sister. She makes me so sure of the fact that she will be one of the few humans in my life that will stay in my life until old age. 
     Tomorrow, on my Birthday, I will also reflect upon other things that have made me the person God has inspired me to be- with the things He has provided around me, as well as wonder how much my "favorites" will change the more I have the opportunity to experience this world. I will wonder how much I will change- or how much I will inspire myself in the future. Every time I look through pictures that I have collected, or Blog entries that I have written. Every time I think about the friends that I have made, or the opportunities I have experienced. Every time I seek through my mind to find memories I am fond of.. I will inspire myself all over again.
...Happy Birthday to me. Happy Two Decades.  This will not be just another day. It will be a celebration of what has, does, and will inspire me to be, ...Ainslee.

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Mid-afternoon cravings..

I crave to be more free spirited, yet more responsible.
I crave to be more gentle, yet more bold.
I crave to be more physically fit, yet have a freer schedule.
I crave to be more beautiful, yet try less.
I crave to be more adventurous, yet study harder.
I crave to be more wise, yet stay young.
I crave to be more fashionable, yet keep a budget.
I crave to finish a book, yet I fall asleep while reading.
I crave to change the world, yet live in nature.
I crave to keep a social life, yet spread my self thicker.
I crave for more people to know the real me, yet I continue to perform.
I crave to keep old friendships alive, yet constantly meet new people.
I crave to be more spontaneous, yet more mature.
I crave to be more elegant, yet I walk around with bruises.
I crave to live a life for God, and, there is nothing's stopping me..

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