Often times, when we're being silly, God just sits back- and giggles at us. He knows that He's making all efforts on His part to show us what it is that He wants from us. He is always trying to redirect us to focus on Him, know He's ALWAYS there whether we need Him or not, and that He- is beautiful. There He is. Sitting on His throne- giggling.
When we see those itty bitty little glances of Him, we not only experience those, "Duh" moments, but we giggle right along side with Him.
I have experienced more little "Duh" moments in the past few months than I have acquired throughout my entire lifetime.
Duh's about life, and love, and wisdom, wrath and beauty; His character, and what He truly sees and expects from me... God, really is, My FAVORITE Comedian.
Right now, I'm gonna be super open, and pour out a tad bit of my personal life.. I am a struggling Christian female. ..."Duh."
I am a man-girl. I enjoy dirt, and adventures, and nature, and doing things that scare me. I love being weird, loud, and goofy, and I'm the clumsiest human that I know. I am also a girl- that hated other girls- until a few months ago. God slapped femininity in my face. He did it, through the workings of a Women's Retreat. Instead of seeing annoying manipulative girls that are over obsessed with blaming their problems on the media- I saw girls, passionate for God. When I met these women, I saw stunning figures. All of them, unique and happy. But, little did I know, my mind would be blown, and these unique, happy girls, would transform through my eyes into radiant, gentle, beautiful, darlings. Not because of who they are- but because of who He is. God shoved me off of my cliff, into the mind set- that I am an idiot for looking in the mirror every morning and seeing failure and unworthiness in myself, and putting that off onto feelings that I feel for other women.
The hardest thing I struggle with. ..The mirror.
It tells me I am too fat to ever find true love. It tells me I have tired eyes. It tells me I am lazy. It tells me I have a crazy messy white girl fro every morning I wake up. It tells me that my Scarves are safe to hide behind. It tells me that people shouldn't want to spend time with me, because my features are unflattering.
...Funny that the mirror only goes less than skin deep. .."Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly." 1 Corinthians 13:12.
I think, that over the next few weeks, I'm going to be falling head over heels- with someone that speaks the pure words that could have inspired Solomon. With someone that constructed a universe of awe-inspiring miracles. With someone that sees me as perfect, and beautiful; flawless and lovely. With someone that puts light and love into my eyes. With someone that gives me energy when I am weak. With someone that calms my storms- no matter how big or small. With someone that sees me for everything I am, and loves me the same; the same one that gives me the passion to express myself to glorify Him. With someone that blesses me with family and friends; brothers and sisters; teachers and disciples- that want to fellowship with me- and share my ideas, and grow from what I have to say, and that will reciprocate so that I can grow in the wisdom the Holy Spirit provides. I will be falling head over heels, for Jesus Christ.
I know for some people- that last sentence there, seems really annoying, and cliche, and- I'm not gonna lie- never before would I have imagined myself as a "one of those Christian people".. But for some people, that last sentence- is the life of hundreds of thousands of people- all of whom where seen as pure, and lovely, too.
I am inspired to write today, because of a Leslie Ludy book that I just began reading. "Set-Apart Femininity. With ever page I read, the tears continue to fall. I weep while reading this book, because this is what God is using to slap me in the face- for now. I can't even imagine what the rest of the book holds in store for me- but I know, that by the end of this book- I will at least have a clearer vision of the female that God wants me to be so badly. The feminine half of Him. The female that God will prepare for a lifetime of devoted service to Him. I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE FOR GOD. And this book is written beautifully to begin to prepare me.
"...Only one question remains. Are we willing to lay down everything else and take up His set-apart commission? God's sacred intent for us goes far beyond just saving sex until marriage, wearing one-piece swimsuits instead of skimpy string bikini, or idolizing Christian bands instead of secular ones. It is not just making sure we tack on some Christian morality to our self-indulgent lives. His sacred intent for you and for me is nothing short of absolute abandonment to Jesus Christ, entire separation from the pollution of the world, and ardent worship of our King with every breath we take. Yes, it's a huge vision- one that is contrary to everything our culture represents. In our modern world, we as young women seem to be presented with only two options for our femininity- we can either embrace the sensual, sexed-up version of womanhood glorified by pop culture, or we can go the opposite direction and trade in perfume and makeup for grit, grunge, and guy-like behavior. But both sides of these options cause us to completely miss out on the glorious pattern God designed for our femininity. We were created to shine with heavenly beauty, to radiate with Christlike feminine loveliness, and to sparkle with the lily-white purity of our Prince. We were created to be set apart for Him. ...the good news is- you don't have to achieve it on your own."
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